Posted in funny

Mind, Meditation & an Amusement Ride!

Loopy Woopy
Loopy Woopy (image courtesy Imagica)

The feeling when every organ of your body is talking to your mind. Your knees are saying ‘You can hurt me really bad’. Neck is whispering ‘Are you serious, you old man! I’m constantly in pain due to your madness, please don’t try this’. Heart is talking so fast that I can barely understand anything. This is the feeling when you are about to do a water ride which is approx. 50 ft. in height with speeds that will give Usain Bolt a run for his speed and you have no idea what you’re jumping into.

Cut to the Loopy Woopy ride at Adlabs Imagica Water Park. While climbing up to the launch platform, each stair was asking if I really wanted to do this. At the launch pad, I was greeted by a cute little enthusiastic guy who looked so thrilled. May be he was thinking, ‘Here comes my victim’, but then he seemed too sweet for that.

“Aa jao, aa jao” (come on) he says with yellow teeth and big smile. There is a que ahead and people are listening to every word this little guy says. “Remove your T-shirt and wrap it around your hand”, everyone complies without the slightest protest, talk about discipline! Right ahead is a launch capsule with a trap door. The capsule has a transparent door, the people outside can see the anxiety on your face. One by one my turn comes closer. The mind is still trying to dissuade me from the ride. The little guy cracks a joke, everyone laughs and the visible tension disappears. I think that was good enough for boosting moral. There are only two people ahead of me. My mind is preparing the body for the impact, it is not sure what is going to happen, it has no reference check and it trying to make sense of how people are reacting. “Chalo aa gaya aapke number” says the little guy. The launch capsule opens, I step inside and wait for the countdown. THE WORLD FADES OUT.

Being inside the capsule is the ultimate level of meditation one can achieve. You are already committed to the ride and THERE IS NO BACKING OUT. The mind goes blank, blood is being pumped to only the essential organs, and there is ABSOLUTE CALMNESS. YOU ARE IN THE MOMENT. 3, 2, 1 announces the mechanical voice, the little guy shows a thumbs-up sign and by the time I try to smile the trap door opens. The mind is busy recording the data of the experience as the experience is absolutely fresh.

36 feet vertical drop is covered in less than 2 seconds, that’s really fast and then there is rest of the ride which goes through a loop with water splashing and the exhilarating ride finally comes to an end. The first thing the mind says is, “Yeah this is fun and not dangerous, let’s do it again!” Tell me about it!

Posted in funny

Govt. bans consumption of Beef

IMG_1873

IMG_1873-0

Posted in funny

The great escape

The main characters of the story are Hachiko and Garfi. Both are tom cats, Hachi is a year elder to Garfi. Both are house cats but love going out. I caught them on camera making an escape plan. The story as told by pictures is as follows:

Hachi and Garfi
Hachi – Look Garfi, these panes can be removed. There is a way to jump out from here!

hachi & Garfi 2
Hachi – There is a big world outside there, lots of cats to chase and lots of trees to climb.

Hachi & Garfi 3
Garfi – What are you saying! let me have a look.

hachi & Garfi 4
garfi – Yes you are right, we can push these panes and jump out, good work Hachi. We escape this Saturday when the two guards fall asleep after partying.

Hachi & Garfi 5
Hachi – No we escape tonight, I have been here longer than you and cannot take it anymore (dishum, dishum).

Hachi & garfi 6
Hachi – Don’t even try fighting, I will beat you. I am the supreme cat, Garfi surrenders

Hachi & Garfi 7
Hachi – Oops its lunch time, we will have to postpone our plans, Garfi agrees

IMG_1332
Garfi – Tasty food, I am on a protein diet though! After all the guards are not that bad, we will give them a slip later.

Posted in funny

Pundit ji calling

Image

Ever since the time one of my friends introduced me to Vodafone Astro I have been hooked on to it. One can know all about the demons that lurk around the corner well in advance all thanks to the 9 rupee per minute call to pundit ji. Pundit ji will also help you find your soul mate, career opportunities even predict when your boss is likely to get changed, and such is the power of 9 rupee call.

Pundit jis were always treated as holy cows and those who can predict the future were a step ahead. Early in my childhood I came across one such guruji. He was sitting next to my gran pa and was locked in a heavy debate about stars and planetary movement. I think may be even NASA can take a leaf or two from these learned men. I on the other hand unaware of the power of guruji was getting ready for cricket and sat next to them. Guruji was holding a ras gulla tasty sweet made form milk) and he turned towards me. 

Pundit ji – Kya naam hai aapka (what’s your name)

Granpa – Ye hamara sabse chota pota hai Rishikar (he is my youngest gran son, Rishikar)

Pundit ji – Accha to Rishikar ji hum jante hai aapke man mein kya chal raha hai (I know what’s running in your mind)

Rishikar – It was a scary moment cox at 16 apart from adult content there is very little one can fill their mind with. Like someone who is caught red handed I smiled with guilt, I was also angry as to why is Pundit ji looking at such thoughts is he not supposed to have renounced such worldly pleasure.

Pundit ji – ek number socho (think of a number)

Rishikar – okay done

Pundit ji opened his palm and number 7 was written. I gaped much in horror than excitement. Without wasting a minute I touched his feet and ran away.

This was the first moment where I felt the pitiful, harmless pundit ji holding nothing but a small bag can be so dangerous.

In fact my cousin, Shaleen had a similar experience. After playing cricket (In India everyone plays cricket, it’s a cultural thing) he came home to see a Pundit ji savouring a cup of tea in the living room. Pundit ji looked at Shaleen closed his eyes and said, ye ladka to doctor banega, iske mathe pe likha hai (it is destined that the boy will be a doctor). Shaleen looked confused, this will be the first time a commerce student will graduate out to be a doctor. Looking back one feels pundit ji may have been hinting at a PhD.

There was a seed of doubt had germinated suggesting can pundit jis be wrong?

Some pundit jis also claim to be close confidante of Gods as if Gods whisper in their ears. And there are many gullible people who fall for it. My reader am sharing a story about my gran ma.

As a child I was quite popular with illness, I could have become ill if someone sneezed a mile away. My gran ma wanted to find a solution and after various doctors she turned to a mahatma ji visiting Patna. After various requests mahatma ji finally agreed to visit us in Lal Kothi (our house a landmark in Patna).

Mahatma ji – is ladke ke swastha ke liye aur, ghar ki shanti ke liye, aur graho ki kripa ke liye ek hawan karana hogo (for the health of this lad, peace and prosperity of the house one needs to perform a ritual including holy fire)

Back in 90s an amount of 10,000 was a lot of money. But my granny was determined to get this through. The hawan was performed at the temple inside the house (yes there was a temple inside the house, old British era houses were grand and spacious). I was given a beaded necklace of Coral.

Though I continued to be susceptible to illness for a few more years but then things improved.

Few years down the line I tried to sell off the coral beaded necklace only to be told that the beads are worthless, it’s just red plastic not any gemstone.

Now this was a shock, can pundit jis be cheats?

Having grown up with such experiences I still continue to consult and pay heed to the suggestions of Pundit jis. Now why is this, is it because of faith or because of habit? Or may be sometimes one just needs an assurance that things are going well.

I pose this question to you my reader why do you think people still flock to pundit jis and why does their reign continue to grow?

Posted in funny

5 forces to win over a mundane day in office

5 forces that help you win over a mundane day in office

1.       Organise your mail – Organising your email is a perfect way to capitalise on a slow day. Not only one can clean their mailbox but also come across communication that might have slipped through the cracks

2.       Redecorate your cabin – Loaded with knowledge of Vastu and Feng shui you can go about redecorating your cabin filling it with positive energy. This may also led to changing your boss!

3.       Connect with vendors and agency people – Monday to Friday all our communication is based on needs and requirements, however connecting with business partners just for saying ‘Hello’ cements one’s relations and makes things better for future

4.       Show your witty side – Communicating with office staff on a light note over lunch or coffee break helps to create a cheerful atmosphere. This comes in very handy especially if you are placed high up in the company. Such communication also brings about hidden talents of employees.

5.       Exercise – Reading and trying our chai exercise can be a good relief from neck and shoulder pain. Plus you can work on your heart count and schedule a medical visit accordingly

Finally if all these do not work threaten people you will jump out of the window for some serious excitement.

Posted in funny, Uncategorized

Swimming with Sardars

Image

It’s my passion…I meant swimming.

Am hydrophobic. Period! It’s not something which grew overnight but comes from a person who almost drowned not once but thrice. First when I was about 5…luckily was clinging to mom as people pulled her out of a deep trench……courtesy some Govt. construction in Ranchi.

Then in 10th a cocky not wise version of me decided to jump in Ganga (yes I grew up in Patna) with 4 friends all of whom knew swimming minus me believing that Ma Ganga loves her children…God was that actually me? Moronic!

The safest bet was swimming pool. I mean what could go wrong. A lot! I jumped at the deeper end if the pool which happened to be 13 ft. It was a party and how hard I tried to convince people that I was actually drowning……most people were logically dead and couldn’t differentiate between an act and actual situation.

By now water had occupied the same fear status as ghosts under the bed.

Finally Pune was where I learnt swimming and can swim almost all the styles. Phew…learnt from an ex-Navy and National Swimming champion. Wanted to make sure I get it right.

Of all the twists and turns in life I finally landed in Mumbai. There was this Sher – e – Punjab Gymkhana of the ferociously proud Punjabis…and trust me the race has evolved in such a manner that every third girl is Preeto (even I was friends with one Preeto before she moved to Kaneda). Never call out this name loudly in a Gymkhana for a million darjis will ask for a zillion explanations of which Preeto are you calling to and you better have the person in sight.

Now I am 5.10ft by which is 2 – 3 inches more than the average Indian height of 5.7 – 8 and by no means puny. However once in water I feel dwarfed. Sometimes I sit at the bottom of the pool (yeah can hold breath) and just stare at these gentle giants. The scene is very similar to a program in Animal planet where they show Elephants swimming in water, its magnificent, how effortlessly they swim. Their body just floats the movements are slowed down as if watching a Hindi movie kissing scene in slow motion with oversized caps. It’s peaceful……gulp gulp gulp running out of breathe, need to surface. We have dual vocal chords what a waste …we could have used dual breathing.

Going underwater in a pool full of Sardars isn’t risk free for when I surfaced three sardars lets call them papaji 1, papaji 2 and papaji 3 jumped one after another ewwww it looked more like a gorilla attack with water splashing all around. I moved to a corner. Papaji 1 even tried a reassuring smile while Papaji 2 went to do pull-ups with the jumping board. So much aggression I felt he is possessed. Papaji no 3 wanted to just flex his muscle and kept jumping, I lost count after 10. Try looking at a fully bearded sardar from the front…they look more like walrus especially with the splashing and sound.

Next to the pool there a small soapbox often used for playing housie. A bunch of “village housewives” will gather who can’t stop talking about their car, house, darji, kids, bangles the list is endless.

After finishing a couple of laps I head for the restaurant Saanj ka Chulah which has red tables and the religious music of Daler Mehndi. The food is okay but tandoori and rum rules. One begins to drift in the “spirit fullness” and think about life, friends, home. Something is wrong a kid on the next table is making faces (where do such kids come from?) while the younger one starts to howl. Am yanked out of the blissful state and decide to leave. No one else seems to be bothered guess it’s a part of their everyday life.